I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
