everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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