Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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