somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
