no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
