So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
