i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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