Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
