i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
