O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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