that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
