my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
