Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
