I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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