Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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