yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
