I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
