So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
