you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
