My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
