Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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