I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
