i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
