Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
