I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
operation harelip BJ is a go
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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