note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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