I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
