Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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