Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
