Welp...herpes.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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