so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize