I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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