u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
