FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
