she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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