So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
