yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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