Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
