I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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