So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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