im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
