It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
