My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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