Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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