It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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