She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
