Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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