how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
