I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
