So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize