If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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