Is it normal to miss your booty call?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
