remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
