Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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