Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
