Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
