your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
