I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
