I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I touched a dick in church today
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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