i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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