Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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