hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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