Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
