a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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