HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
