My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
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I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize