would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
