I wish I could punch you in the face.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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