I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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