dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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