Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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