Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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